This is something I started a while ago and never finished. I finally took the time to finish it.
I think one of the biggest things I had to come to terms with while pregnant was I was going to be a single mom. It was far from what I had envisioned and was far from my expectations of how my family would start, but it was very plain and simple, my child would come into the world with only one parent present. While I did have my parents present, I was still bringing a beautiful blessing into this world. Boy oh boy, did I ever find out the plans God had for me. I can honestly say without His presence along with my family and friends supporting me and reminding me that everything happens for a reason, I think I would have gone to a very dark place and into a deep depression. I thank God for blessing me with amazing people in my life.
The first 5 months of Paetan's life were rough for me. I dealt with my own form of postpartum depression. I think only a few people saw it or knew about it. I held a lot of anger and something close to hate towards Jw, Paetan's father. I was able to over come this solely with God's help and Him giving me the strength to forgive Jw of everything that had gone wrong between us. This was the biggest turning point for both of us. He was also able to forgive me for leaving, though understood why and that it ended being for the best. I can happily say that while we are working through some rough spots in our relationship, we are working things out and though we have our struggles, we're trying to stay on God's path and what He has for us. I thank everyone for their prayers and those that encouraged us taking the step to be a family and form our relationship the right way, through God.
I still feel like a single parent sometimes since Jw travels for work and is gone 4-6 weeks at a time, but I know how much he wishes he could spend every moment he feels like he's missed out on and is missing out on. We remind each other that he's doing this for us and that it's what God has for us right now. We have a beautiful almost 9 month old little girl and I can say, even though it's been tough, I would do it all over again for her.
